Thursday, July 29, 2004

Operation Save My Sanity

today i launched day 1 of operation save my sanity. living at home has turned emotional stability into a luxury. maybe it is the nine people in my house right now. maybe it is the fact that i cannot escape the nine people because my "room" is actually a futon on my parent's bedroom floor. i wish i could pinpoint the person or scenario that is pushing me over the line dividing sanity from insanity, but it is just the general atmosphere. it's the finding that someone took the quilt off of my makeshift bed to take on a roadtrip, and now has started storing their CDs and shoes in the one closet i can call partially mine. it's the telling me that we're leaving for vacation on a certain day and then moving it up a day. it's the waking up to someone telling me that i might need to give my futon to someone else because we have guests coming to town.

i went to starbucks tonight for an hour and a half of peace. i read, and wrote, and listened to music. now i am home, and i can't get ready for bed because my parents are talking.

going crazy.



Tuesday, July 27, 2004

tuesday, tuesday

for those of you who did not know, i have a fish named gil. he is a fancy goldfish, orange and black, who has more than doubled in size in the last few months. he quickly outgrew two bowls, so my sister and brother-in-law moved him into a five gallon Sparkletts bottle, complete with plants and shells (one of which he got stuck under one time.) as he continued to grow, and as i am moving soon, i decided to move him to a pond in a nice neighborhood in san juan capistrano.  my brother dropped him off for me since he works at the house with the pond, and he was at first worried about how gil would adjust, seeing as how the pond is full of large fish. but gil, being the champ that he is, quickly made friends and was seen swimming circles around his large companions.

this brings us to today, when my brother came home and told me as gently as possible that a large blue heron that hangs around the pond ate gil yesterday. i told the story of gil in present tense so as not to give away the awful ending. those of you who knew gil knew how obsessed i was with him. i even have a picture of him in my wallet. i almost started crying when michael told me the news, although the grief was tempered with the mental reminder that he is a fish. a damn good fish.

good morning gil. i said, good morning gil. tear.


Monday, July 26, 2004

maybe my honesty will make this world a better place

alright, it is confession time. i know that what i am about to say may lose me my only reader, but it has to be said. this weekend i watched four movies: win a date with tad hamilton, dirty dancing havana nights (which i watched twice), and the cinderella story.  i think that each of these has something special to be embarrassed about. first, win a date with tad hamilton. the embarrassing thing? i enjoyed it. in my defense, erin and carrie liked it too.  ryan, i am pretty sure our friendship just came to a screeching halt.  carrie and i went to the video store together, and did not even hear when the movies were due back because we were so mortified that the Blockbuster employee was actually saying the movie titles out loud. it was completely unnecessary. maybe next time, he could just pick them up and say, "this one is due back on tuesday." please. there was no way i could turn around to the rest of the line and use my fool proof defense of, "my little sister would love this one." something like, "i'll make sure that my little sister will have these back on time because she is the one who wanted them" would have blown my cover. anyway, the embarrassing thing about dirty dancing is that i watched it twice, along with all of the deleted scenes. finally, i saw cinderella story in the theatres. hillary duff is not a good actress. there, i said it. but boy is she lovable.
while i am on this honesty spree, a few summers ago i saw the princess diaries in the theatres twice, and i saw center stage three times in the theatres. and i watched the entire second season of felicity on dvd and the entire first season of gilmore girls on dvd.

Saturday, July 24, 2004

July 23?

the greatest thing about summer is not knowing what day it is. i have the house to myself, which is funny considering there are usually 7+ people here.  my fish, gil, was moved to a pond last week. my brother reported that he was in shock for a few minutes, but within the hour was extremely adjusted and popular. my dream is for him to grow to be a foot long.
nothing to report.  i remain relaxed, unable to read, continually disillusioned with politics, and unable to picture what the next few years hold for me.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Riddle me this

I feel I am in the thrusts of major change. Right now everything is calm, but the ebb and flow of my emotions reminds me that my life will not be like this for long.  I make it worse for myself by doing things that evoke strong emotion. For example, if I know that a song is going to get me worked up and sad, why do I listen to it, especially at a place like work, where I do not want to get labeled "the crier"?

Here is a song that won't make you cry:

"Johnny's in the basement
Mixing up the medicine
I'm on the pavement
Thinking about the government
The man in the trench coat
Badge out, laid off
Says he's got a bad cough
Wants to get it paid off
Look out kidIt's somethin' you did
God knows whenBut you're doin' it again
You better duck down the alley way
Lookin' for a new friend
The man in the coon-skin cap
In the big pen
Wants eleven dollar bills
You only got ten"

Subterranean Homesick Blues

Sunday, July 18, 2004

What's new pussycat, whoa whoa whoa

Sunday afternoon and all is well. Is it srange that no one in my family can take a nap without taking their pants off? Absolutely. But others should learn from our example; we have turned the nap into a fine art.
Someone warned me not to come back from New York covered in tattoos and piercings. I do not fear that at all. I worry about returning home in a black suit, talking into my cell phone headset while I program my palm pilot. In reality, I do not expect any major changes. And maybe I will  not return at all. I certainly do not think I am the quintessential Orange County girl. How can I be, when I shivered even while writing that repugnant phrase?
There is a comedian named Demetri Martin who was featured on National Public Radio, and he talked about the safety of vests. Life vests save you from drowning, bullet proof vests save you from gunshot wounds, and sweater vests save you from pretty girls. Brilliant.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004


as i went to type a title, i was given the option of MONTHLY SUMMARY PESTICIDE USE REPORT because i am typing this at work. this is what i have done today:
-print an email
-sort gas card receipts and paper clip them together
-stamp invoices with FILE stamp
-assemble pvc pipe wall unit
-match receipts to invoice
-put checks in order of number

and to think i still have 2 and a half hours of productivity before i go home.

that's the anthem, get your damn hands up.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

alone at the office

alone at the office. dum de dum. out of jobs. considering emptying all of the trash cans.

i feel a little stressed whenever i have to do anything customer service related because i don't like having people mad at me or even slightly annoyed. i can't help it if your sprinkler system is leaking!! yes, i'll get someone right on that. gosh.

today i entered the wonderful world of gmail. here i will live the rest of my life, sorting emails instead of deleting. i also bought a plane ticket to a certain large city in the back of the east. a one-way plane ticket. i will now let out an evil laugh and then let myself sob for a while.

Monday, July 12, 2004

certain death

let us all learn a lesson from tupac: if you want to continue living, do not write a song about how you slept with biggie's wife.
i think tupac could be alive.

Friday, July 09, 2004

let us all stand up and fight

today i made huge progess in what i like to call "operation avoid office ass." i not only avoided fast food, but i avoided eating fast food in my car, which is one of the leading causes of office ass. office ass occurs when you look nice sitting at a desk, but you stand up and bring your chair with you because your ass has grown to fill it in. one of office ass's greatest strategies is reminding you how easy it is to just roll over to the file cabinet instead of actually standing up and walking. i too have fallen prey to this tactic.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

fleeting thoughts before bed

as ruler of my blogspot, i demand that every tupperware container have a lid. and a mandatory lesson will be given on how to clean grout with the back of the sponge.

i do not like when fast food companies team up; it detracts from each. i either want pizza or tacos, not both at the same time. when i choose tacos, i do not want to smell the constant reminder that i might have made a mistake. and let it be said, yoshinoya and frozen yogurt do not, and will never, go together. there is nothing like smelling gummi bears as you eat teriyaki. of course, i formed this opinion right after i ran over a large white dog in central utah.

the dog was already dead- stop looking at me like that.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

leighton begins working again- act 1

began work today at the same landscaping company that i worked for last summer. worked on a project that i left last summer. filed. ate my sandwich. huge improvement number 1: listened to ipod. world of difference. huge difference number two: talked candidly with employees. i have a degree! i demand a listening ear!

is there anything more frustrating than sitting and watching tv instead of doing the things that you have been wanting to do for months but have not had time, like read your book on poetry? yes, not even remembering what you have been wanting to do. it is a very fuzzy, sickening feeling. self-discipline is highly underrated.
i hear the sounds of matrix 3 as i tape this. talk about highly overrated.

Monday, July 05, 2004

the day after our day of independence

i miss my college friends. it is nice to be home, but i miss my college friends.
in honor of our day of independence, i would like to talk about america, its qualities that i love, and its areas calling for change. americans, myself included, take freedom for granted as if it was sold on every street corner. we can buy anything, listen to anything, talk about anything, pursue any career, disagree with Bush, the list goes on and on. freedom or the lack of freedom in no way impedes our day to day life. there is no thought of having to bring your papers with you to go see your friend in another state. we have rules against any kind of voting intimidation. i do not weave in and out of armored guards when i go to the post office. as a christian, i should never take for granted that i can go to church or talk about God and not have to worry that i will be taken out of my house in the middle of the night and jailed or even killed, like other Christians in other countries do. i am grateful the church is not state run.

time for the "room for improvement" section. american culture should not be defined as a white southern family eating hamburgers and baked beans; if america is the melting pot that it boasts to be, then it is american to be chinese and japanese and african and lebanese and arab. americans should learn other languages, and lose the "if you live in our country then speak our language" mentality that is ignorant and elitist. stop spreading american culture to the rest of the world; i don't want mcdonalds in the jungles of africa. the government is run by a combination of old money and corporate interests, and i don't blame people for not voting, because it really does not seem to do anything. i think america is arrogant, pushy, the queen of double standards, and unfortunately, begging for another country to remind it of its actual size compared to the rest of the world.
back to america's freedoms, i am grateful to be able to write this and not worry about retribution. this was not the case in maoist china, if anyone wants to discuss chinese political history, email me, i love it.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

day 4- summer has hit

Escape- by Ruper Holmes

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long.
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.

"Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape.
At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh, it's you."
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew"..

"That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."