Lefthanded-Rightminded

Thursday, January 26, 2006

8th Ave. between 25th and 26th

Yesterday, I had a slice of pizza at a lucky place called Luigi's Pizza. Luigi's has somehow managed to dodge all health inspections since its opening in (this is an educated guess based on the decorations and the last time it was cleaned) 1983. I believe Luigi was the man in the back room who unabashedly stared while I ordered my slice of pizza. He later watched me in the mirror while I ate, giving me a pleasant, "you're lucky we met in a lit restaurant" stare. He strolled past me once or twice in his stained white smock, and made sure to stare as I put my coat back on.

Aside from chemical imbalances, postpartum depression, and trauma, I would guess that the decor in Luigi's is the number one cause of depression in the tri-state area. I thought that sitting in a greasy, brown booth surrounded by old pizza, Peppermint Patty's and chicken rolls would raise my mood, but that was not the case. The strong smell of cleaning liquids did not help either. The filthiness of the floor and walls assured me that the overwhelming stench of ammonia was meant to mask another smell, not to give proof of a recent cleaning.

I believe the majority of the clientele was packing heat. I was, at least. You have to protect yourself this day in age. In fact, one man barged through the door and said, "good thing I didn't hit that cop in the face" and "good thing I didn't have any coke on me" in one breath. Then, while pacing, he went into an exposition on how it isn't right that cops can just walk up and slap you on the back of the head, and how he no longer comes to Manhattan because he sells pure stuff but the mother f*ckers here put baking soda in their coke. For support, he asked the man behind the counter, "is that right?" to which the cashier said, "Sprite?" I would have had a hearty laugh in any other situation, but I thought it might be a good idea to get the hell out of there.

When visiting New York, make sure you stop at this untouched gem for pizza. I highly recommend the slice with the maraschino cherry on it.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Jenn said...

Freakin' hilarious

1:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

luigi's pizza is a bold choice. we salute you.

i prolly would have headed to trailer park (23rd and 8th ave.) and gotten me some tater tots.

--joe

11:19 AM  
Anonymous marmstrong said...

Yup - that place is nasty. I'm trying to thnk of other especially nasty pizza shops - there's a couple in that area.

3:00 PM  

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