I'm Rockin' the Suburbs

UCLA will be playing Northwestern this year in the Vitalis Sun Bowl, and I would like to brag a little about my contribution. I tutored the fellow in the picture (along with a number of men's basketball and women's crew athletes.) Granted, I do not think he gets playing time, but if it were not for me he might have gotten a lower grade in his American Folklore class, and we all know how everything affects everything else- you put it together.

As I work with mostly women, I have taken it upon myself to fill the necessary office role of the cranky old man. I wear a suit vest, carry around a cup of tea, and when people make comments like "Happy Monday," I like to grumble stock answers such as "No such thing," or "Not when you don't have knees." I feel it helps to foster an intense atmosphere of fear and disappointment. I really need a picture of my grandchildren so that I can make disparaging remarks about them when people come to my desk.