Tuesday, November 08, 2005

In the Middle of the, I Go Walking in the, In the Middle of the, I Go Walking in the

Last night was the graduation show for my Upright Citizen's Brigade 201 class. I didn't leave feeling really embarrassed, which I guess makes the show a roaring success. The last few months, I have been pondering the idea of embarrassment. It is a concept that I would like to get over, but it is taking a lot longer than I would like it to.

Anyway, go with me for a minute. Let's say I was dating someone like Steve Urkel (I know- I should BE so lucky.) Suppose I bring him to my office, and he spills coffee on my boss and knocks over a row of book shelves, somehow starting a small kitchenette fire that destroys the large project that my boss had been working on for the last three weeks! I really think that I would not be able to show my face here again. It would be the same if I totally flipped out at a meeting. Nothing overly violent, but maybe just a coffee mug through the window or a grand sweep that pushes all my manager's papers onto the floor. The scene itself makes me laugh, but the thought of everyone's faces and the idea that I could never fully explain myself makes me quite agitated.

I think that if I received a memo saying that the company was out of money and would have to pay me with office supplies, I would request a large cardboard box, letter head, four boxes of ballpoint pens, good white out, and maybe a box of large paper clips. (I would normally choose yellow legal pads, but I overbought last winter when Staples had a sale, and now I cannot even give all those things away.) That would be fun for a little while, but then I think I would want something to eat. If they stipulated that I had to choose one item from the vending machine to eat for a few months, it would be the Nature Valley Granola Bars (the ones in the green wrappers.) If they said I could trade those in for one type of appetizer, I would choose chicken fingers. If I could trade my appetizers in for a casserole, I probably would not take the trade unless it was tuna casserole and my mom had made it. But if my mom is in New York making tuna casserole, then I think I would like to quit my job and return to California with her, since she is OBVIOUSLY just here on vacation.


Blogger SharmandHammer said...

get over it, L-Train, get over it.

your Steve Erkel story reminds me of an incident i had last week.

background- grad school is all about appearing smarter than everyone else. you do this in a couple ways, one of which is asking really long-winded questions at colloquiums. colloquiums are when the department brings in professors from other universitites to present some of their research in progress.

i usually have the reputation for asking good but short questions. and my status is pretty high since i usually participate alot. and i do alot of ass kissing.

anyway, at colloquium last week i didn't really have a good question, cause i agreed with everything the professor said. i wasnt planning on speaking but, only a few other people asked questions and after 15 minutes it got real quiet. so i raised my hand, and decided to play devil's advocate. i started by saying (and im the youngest person in the room)- "now, i might be a bit old fashioned but..." i then tried to take issue with some of the points in the paper, which i soon realized only an idiot would do, and then stumbled a couple more sentences. all the while out of the corner of my eyei could see my favorite professor looking at me completely bewildered. to make a long story short, at the reception afterwards, i got some dirty looks and nobody would pass me the wine.

basically i blew all of the intellectual reputation capital that i had earned in one year. i think i am now at level zero and will have to work up again.

i'm not upset.


7:44 PM  

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