Monday, September 11, 2006

"I Work Hard"

For the last two months, my next-door neighbors have been in the process of building a new patio. Anywhere from five to ten workers begin renovations at 7:30am and finish around 6:00pm, Monday through Saturday. The project drags on week after week with very little chance that it will ever finish. The workers are not building a patio; they are filming a set of informational videos on how to make others believe you are working hard on a construction site.

Lesson 1: Make lots of noise. The informational video will include a set of CDs, the "I Work Hard" Construction Soundtrack. Disc 1 is hammering, Disc 2 is louder pounding (the tearing down of a wall, etc.), Disc 3 is sawing wood, Disc 4 is cutting stone. You get the picture. Today is Monday, so Disc 1 has been playing. Saturday morning, I was woken up by Disc 4.

Lesson 2: Everyone believes numbers. Although only one loud noise is heard at a time, there is always a group of men milling around their back and front yards. One worker can be supervised or questioned about his hours, but ten strong workers is a seemingly intimidating group of construction know-how.

Lesson 3: Make a mess. For the last two months, everything in our back yard has been covered in dust. I suspect that a bag of loose cement was purchased and disseminated while Disc 5 (the leaf blower) was playing. Aside from the dust, stacks of tile, brick and wood have sat in our neighbor's front yard since the project began. The piles have not decreased even though "the project is very close to finishing."

I could make a believable "I Work Hard" Office Soundtrack. It would take more effort than the construction version, as it would have to entail a symphony of office sounds: different degrees of typing (the relaxed memo, the angry email, etc.), the opening and closing of file cabinet doors, the double ring of the out-of-town phone call, the shredding of documents. It would probably make millions and I would have to start a company, and then I would try to play my own CDs at the office and everyone would know what I was up to...


Blogger Aaron Byrd said...

I just started a new office job today, and I made three sounds I have never encountered before, each of them very ping-like in nature: the ping my browser makes when I try to access a web-based e-mail program, the ping my browser makes when I try to access a site my company deems as "games-related," and the ping my browser makes when I try to access a site my company deems as "gambling-related." I work hard.

10:42 AM  

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