These Are the Days of Our Lives

Today I watched five minutes of General Hospital, but I learned a lifetime of lessons. The only other time I have watched General Hospital was a few weeks ago, when I turned on the TV and saw a handsome, anguished man revealing a startling paternity secret to a tiny baby in a hospital bassinet. Little did he know that there was a woman in the doorway behind him listening to the entire thing!! Well, when I turned on the TV today, what did I see but a woman baring her soul to a tiny baby in a hospital bassinet!! You never tell your secrets OUT LOUD to a baby, or a mirror, or a corpse in its coffin- there is always someone listening. As I am now a nanny, I thought this was a particularly timely lesson to learn. No longer will I put the babies to sleep by whispering them my ATM pin numbers, or keep them entertained by explaining who in the family is cheating on their taxes, because someone is always crouched behind the counter hearing every word I say. Always.

The other lesson I learned was that if I am fooling around in a hotel room and we start trying to put ice from the champagne bucket down each other's backs, we need to keep the screaming to a minimum because we won't hear the man with the gun entering the room!! I mean, sure, there might be someone directly behind him who will shoot him if he tries to shoot us, but we really shouldn't be counting on it. It will only happen two, maybe three, times.